My New Favorite Find AND I'm NOT a Blow up Doll.

Hi again Middle Ragers,

Well, we're back on again for hopefully a more productive autumn season than our debacle of a summer. With my work and Heather's kids, we've been totally remiss and apologize for our failure to deliver fresh and informative content.  Let's try again!

First, as my friend Margaret said to me tonight, over a great glass of Sauvignon Blanc at our sexy, sophisticated friend's Isabel's house,  "I love wine. I love it in San Francisco or Argentina or Hudson, Ohio. I love the way it tastes. I love the way it makes me feel."

Tru dat, Margaret. We agree.

So I want to recommend a new favorite find.  Actually, I've been into this for months but have failed to disclose it because I never write anymore due to some inexplicable block.  It's this great Podcast -- Wine For Normal People.

This great young lady (now a sommelier)  takes you through all different types of wines from Bordeaux to Malbecs to Champagne each and every week in a unique podcast -- Wine For Normal People. She teaches you how to learn about wine, the region, the tastes, the experience, AND she dumbs it down for normal people.  She also gives you great recommendations about affordable wines that you can buy and share with you friends and family.  It's awesome. Download it NOW.  It's great to listen to while you cook and DRINK WINE!

My second piece to discuss today is: I will not be a blow up doll is about dating (another one of my favorite topics).  I had a date last week with this great guy who is smart and sophisticated and charming and not a player, to boot (imaging that).  BUT (and there is always a but clause), all he did really was talk about himself -- a lot (and I mean a lot) about his kids, then more about the kids, then the job and then the puppy that was coming this weekend.  I find that on these dates (and this one by the way lasted FOUR hours), I suddenly, somehow, become a blow up doll.  I have a cord that can easily be pulled with 4-5 stock responses:  "Wow, that's great your kid is doing so well! Sounds like you have a great kid."
Or "Wow, sounds like you have a great job and are doing really well at it! Good for you!
Or "Wow, sounds like you had a rough day. I can see why you are so stressed out!"

I mean, really. Really? Is that all you guys want -- some blow up doll to just sit there and listen and nod her head up and down? Pull her cord and few (and similar) stock answers come up? I have also (by the way) noticed this same pattern in men I do work with professionally.  They also just want to talk and have a blow up doll next to them.  They also ALL want to show you there iPhone Photos of everything that is of interest to them and of zero interest to you -- their kids, their dogs, their travels. I mean WTF? Do you think I whip open my iPhone and make people look at my nieces, my recent furniture purchases, my vacations, my friends? Especially when they never even asked to look at the same.
Men, come on, if you want a doll, get a doll. There actually very inexpensive, pretty and durable.
Not a bad investment. However, if you want to be a real person (not a doll), engage with a real persons.
If you want to go on a date with me, ask me SOMETHING about me.  Try maybe just a little bit to get to know me instead of showing me pictures about your life.  I'm kind of  done with the blow up doll thing.  You're going to have to get a real one next time.  And maybe that will actually suffice.  I think you can have sex with them too??

More soon ragers.... C.

Mules et al.

After a summer hiatus,  Heather and I are back with a vengeance.  Despite my grants and her kitchen remodel, we're going to try really hard to make it and show up and write.

So today, we're going to tell you about our three favorite new things.


1. Moscow Mules -- Da best.  Tru dat.

This refreshing fall drink is quite simple -- Vodka, Ginger Beer, and Lime.  However, the ginger beer now is all the rage especially for the Middle Ragers so you have to stock up.  And you have to get the copper mug which it is traditionally served in -- keeps it very cold AND if you lick the cup, you can get that copper on your tongue thereby preventing a DUI. (Just kidding)
Best drink on the planet.
I think Oprah and Gayle are now really into it too. Not that I care what they are doing . . . .

2. Trish McEvoy Gel Eyeliner -- This really is the bomb.  It is a pencil but lines your eyes like a gel, and the color is rich and never moves.   I heart the Deep Aubergine -- a nice dark brown/plum color.


3.  LuLu Lemon Still Yoga Pants -- You have to try these.  Unlike all the skin tight yoga pants out there, these are flowy and loose and comfortable.  I have 5 pairs. I like them that much. AND they last forever.  The fabric will stand up for years.  A must have.

Comments on the Goldman Sachs Unofficial Guide to being a Man

Our guest contributor, Ann Williams, recently sent us this link from Business Insider, which contains the Goldman Sach’s guide to being a real man.  We liked this a lot and agreed with most of these excellent recommendations. 

See: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-gselevator-guide-to-being-a-man-2013-9#ixzz2eaOxIHaa

Today, on MiddleRage, we highlight just a few of our favs.  Comments welcome.

1.   Stop talking about where you went to college:

Christine’s view:

I don't know. This may be a DC or a DC/NYC thing where I spent my formative years, but please. Stop telling me about WHERE you went to college and the glory days of the Princeton supper club, the Harvard Kennedy School of Government, or the Yale Club. Clearly, you are smarter than I am, and clearly you are stupider because we have the same job and you paid 200k to get your education. We're very proud of our pedestrian, low-brow STATE COLLEGE education.  Save it for some one who cares.

                                                        

2.   Burn your khakis.

Christine’s view:

Get a decent pair of jeans or a suit. Come on. You don't have to look like my Midwestern dad.  Orange is the new black, and khakis are a fossil.  If you went to any of the aforementioned school referenced above OR even if you didn't, surely you can afford ONE pair of hot jeans or ONE hot suit. Get with it. 

Ann’s view:

I agree re:  khaki issue. But I’d like for there to be some clarity around what we mean by “decent pair of jeans.” If your only pair of jeans looks like it lost a fight with a BeDazzler, then I’d rather you stuck with the khakis. You know what girls like? Levis. You know what we hate? Vanity. Put on your Levis, buy me a real beer, and let’s see where it goes.

3.   Never date an ex of your friend.  

Christine’s view:

This goes without saying. Come on. Do you ever think (no matter how hot the guy) I could date someone my bff dated? No way. Move on. There are MANY other girls.  Who wants to compare notes?

Ann’s view:

As someone who has recently broken this rule, I cannot express to you enough how important this rule is. You will always, always be the asshole in this situation. Not worth it. Get over it and find another girl.

4.   People grow tired of the funny, drunk guy.  

Christine and Ann’s views:

We are now officially 20 years out of college. Be the entrepreneur. Be the artist. Be the do-gooder. Be yourself. But be something other than the drunk funny guy you were in college. It's just sad. Holding your liquor is the other new black.

5.   Tip more than you should.

Christine and Ann’s views:

Life is too short to be the cheapskate. Tip 20% for average service and scale up from there.  If you are going to go out for a nice dinner and you can allegedly afford it, then tip appropriately. Even a bit excessively. Now, that is hot.

         

        6. Don't split a check.

                                                        

Christine and Ann’s views:

Really? Enough said here.  I think the person who asks, pays -- at least until a month or so into the relationship, when it’s okay to ease into a splitting situation. (Except for special occasions, where the planner pays.) See rule above about life being too short to be the cheapskate. If you ask a girl out and end the night by asking her to split the bill, you’re a dick. Fact.

7.   Be spontaneous.

Christine’s view:

Wow. Nothing is hotter than this. Do something REALLY fun and really outrageous at the last minute.  Take a road trip. You only live once! Do it.

8. No selfies. Aspire to post pictures in the company of a beautiful woman.

Christine and Ann’s views:

Narcissism is out -- has been out since the 80s. You aint Gordon Gekko, and no one likes him anymore anyway. We are tired of seeing nothing but photos of YOU in Provence et al. Show us some PEOPLE. Show us some women. This one falls into the vanity bucket. Please stop.

9. My personal favorite:  The New Yorker is not high- brow.  Neither is The Economist.

UGH. Stop telling me about what you read and show me what you KNOW. If you are really reading these magazines, you should have learned something. Tell me about that.

I Am Not ShowTime On Demand

After our summer hiatus (due to writing obligations and kid duties), we are back on track for autumn!

Although I had the misfortune of spending the vast majority of my summer tied to my computer writing four grants, I also managed (as usual) to have some fun dating a really interesting and fun guy.

However, due to his incredibly frenetic, busy, hectic and all consuming schedule (newsflash guys: we're all really busy), he could only seem to reach out to me about 3 hours before he wanted to see me.

Frequently, I would receive texts asking me out literally hours before he wanted to see me.  When I pushed back and said I needed a lot more notice, he would apologize profusely and tell me how busy he had been and how he was just coming up for air now.  Forget it. I'm not Showtime on Demand.

I'm not going to just "show up" and entertain you when and at a time convenient for you.

This seems to be a prevalent trend today with these uber busy uber important Type A guys. To add insult to injury, another guy who wanted to go out with me did the exact same thing.  He would text (not call) me and ask me to lunch on dinner on THAT day.  Hello? I have a job, a business, a life.

I can rarely commit to anything upon 3 hours notice.  And then, when I let them know I couldn't swing it on this short of notice, they seemed irritated and annoyed with me. AS IF.

Here's the thing... you're not busier than I am. Trust me.  Women have busy lives juggling many things today, and we need a little notice.  I'm just not one to show up on a moment's notice.  While I love Showtime on Demand, I'm just not Showtime on Demand.

Make a Plan.  In Advance.

Are the college girls on to something?

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?pagewanted=all

We found this recent New York Times' article about the "hook up" culture on college campuses today very interesting -- particularly how girls can play at the game too.  Kate, a young woman interviewed for this piece, referred to hooking up at "low risk and low investment".  These girls contend that they don't have time for relationships ... they are too busy building their resumes and focusing on their careers to be weighed down by a meaningful relationship. As such, they choose to just hook up when convenient. Or is it that they have just come to expect too little from men? Are they perhaps gravely disappointed with the behavior of men and their inability to give them what they need emotionally and as such, they are settling for the occasional sexual encounter?  Should these girls be looking for their Mrs. degree given the pool of available men at college or should they just have fun and focus on themselves? 

A lot of these issues transcend boundaries of age;  many middle age women are asking themselves the same questions.  Many now say they are self sufficient, successful and only really need men for sex occasionally.  Others say they really want to find a quality guy to build a life with long term.  

What do you think?

We want your thoughts on this topic.  Let's discuss.  

Send us your thoughts below.  

Make a Plan!

Greetings Ragers, here is my new thing: MAKE A PLAN!

Is chivalry really dead?  I mean, really dead?

Seriously, has technology just completely consumed us so there is no more talking on the phone or, better yet, in person?

I'm not just writing this on behalf of me (Christine)  but all other women who in middle age really have the same stories with dating:

In sum, stop the fucking texting! We are not 13 with the luxury of time and emotional detachment to send out 20 SMS texts per day.  We are busy. We are working. We are in out 40s now and busy managing a shitload of work and annoying Gen Ys and millenials.

If you want to date me, if you want to see me, stop texting me - make a plan!
We are all so sick of your texts "how is your weekend going? or" we should get together soon!"

And then no response back to the same.
And no plan.

Then why the hell are you texting me! Grow up, guys. Man up.  Make a plan. Learn respect for women, which  btw, you should have learned that by now.

I  can say, collectively on behalf of women now (minus by friends who haven't dated since the Reagan administration) we are so done with your 13-year old text messages, that if you really are interested, MAKE A PLAN.

How hard it that? I mean, really.

The Long and Short of It

Story contributed by Middle Rager Colleen Phillips Finley

Ok ladies, time to tackle the subject of our hair in middle age. As a hairdresser and a middle rager myself, I see the ever changing locks of my 40 something clients, friends and myself.

As we get older - just like our skin, butts and boobs - our hair changes as well. Unfortunately not for the better! It loses shine, thickness and overall luster. That being said it is time to re-evaluate how long is too long for us middle ragers!

I see too many women 40 plus hanging on too tightly to their youth with long locks. I believe personally and professionally above the bra strap is a good rule of thumb depending first and foremost how healthy and attractive your hair is! We have all seen those women from behind they have pretty, long hair and to only catch a glimpse of the face and realize she is TOO OLD for that hair! Ladies, it ages you!

This is the time as well, to start investing money into your hair and the products you use on those precious follicles. This is when that investment pays off! We seem to be willing to spend the money on our anti-aging skincare - why not also your hair? We live in an age of wonderful products and tools. There is no reason to suffer from bad hair days. I love the Pureology and Aveda lines.  Argan oil products and keratin treatments are all the rage and worth the money as well.

Our hair is our crowning glory, ladies, but as we age so does our hair so I believe our skirts should get longer and our hair should get shorter!