Comments on the Goldman Sachs Unofficial Guide to being a Man

Our guest contributor, Ann Williams, recently sent us this link from Business Insider, which contains the Goldman Sach’s guide to being a real man.  We liked this a lot and agreed with most of these excellent recommendations. 

See: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-gselevator-guide-to-being-a-man-2013-9#ixzz2eaOxIHaa

Today, on MiddleRage, we highlight just a few of our favs.  Comments welcome.

1.   Stop talking about where you went to college:

Christine’s view:

I don't know. This may be a DC or a DC/NYC thing where I spent my formative years, but please. Stop telling me about WHERE you went to college and the glory days of the Princeton supper club, the Harvard Kennedy School of Government, or the Yale Club. Clearly, you are smarter than I am, and clearly you are stupider because we have the same job and you paid 200k to get your education. We're very proud of our pedestrian, low-brow STATE COLLEGE education.  Save it for some one who cares.

                                                        

2.   Burn your khakis.

Christine’s view:

Get a decent pair of jeans or a suit. Come on. You don't have to look like my Midwestern dad.  Orange is the new black, and khakis are a fossil.  If you went to any of the aforementioned school referenced above OR even if you didn't, surely you can afford ONE pair of hot jeans or ONE hot suit. Get with it. 

Ann’s view:

I agree re:  khaki issue. But I’d like for there to be some clarity around what we mean by “decent pair of jeans.” If your only pair of jeans looks like it lost a fight with a BeDazzler, then I’d rather you stuck with the khakis. You know what girls like? Levis. You know what we hate? Vanity. Put on your Levis, buy me a real beer, and let’s see where it goes.

3.   Never date an ex of your friend.  

Christine’s view:

This goes without saying. Come on. Do you ever think (no matter how hot the guy) I could date someone my bff dated? No way. Move on. There are MANY other girls.  Who wants to compare notes?

Ann’s view:

As someone who has recently broken this rule, I cannot express to you enough how important this rule is. You will always, always be the asshole in this situation. Not worth it. Get over it and find another girl.

4.   People grow tired of the funny, drunk guy.  

Christine and Ann’s views:

We are now officially 20 years out of college. Be the entrepreneur. Be the artist. Be the do-gooder. Be yourself. But be something other than the drunk funny guy you were in college. It's just sad. Holding your liquor is the other new black.

5.   Tip more than you should.

Christine and Ann’s views:

Life is too short to be the cheapskate. Tip 20% for average service and scale up from there.  If you are going to go out for a nice dinner and you can allegedly afford it, then tip appropriately. Even a bit excessively. Now, that is hot.

         

        6. Don't split a check.

                                                        

Christine and Ann’s views:

Really? Enough said here.  I think the person who asks, pays -- at least until a month or so into the relationship, when it’s okay to ease into a splitting situation. (Except for special occasions, where the planner pays.) See rule above about life being too short to be the cheapskate. If you ask a girl out and end the night by asking her to split the bill, you’re a dick. Fact.

7.   Be spontaneous.

Christine’s view:

Wow. Nothing is hotter than this. Do something REALLY fun and really outrageous at the last minute.  Take a road trip. You only live once! Do it.

8. No selfies. Aspire to post pictures in the company of a beautiful woman.

Christine and Ann’s views:

Narcissism is out -- has been out since the 80s. You aint Gordon Gekko, and no one likes him anymore anyway. We are tired of seeing nothing but photos of YOU in Provence et al. Show us some PEOPLE. Show us some women. This one falls into the vanity bucket. Please stop.

9. My personal favorite:  The New Yorker is not high- brow.  Neither is The Economist.

UGH. Stop telling me about what you read and show me what you KNOW. If you are really reading these magazines, you should have learned something. Tell me about that.

I Am Not ShowTime On Demand

After our summer hiatus (due to writing obligations and kid duties), we are back on track for autumn!

Although I had the misfortune of spending the vast majority of my summer tied to my computer writing four grants, I also managed (as usual) to have some fun dating a really interesting and fun guy.

However, due to his incredibly frenetic, busy, hectic and all consuming schedule (newsflash guys: we're all really busy), he could only seem to reach out to me about 3 hours before he wanted to see me.

Frequently, I would receive texts asking me out literally hours before he wanted to see me.  When I pushed back and said I needed a lot more notice, he would apologize profusely and tell me how busy he had been and how he was just coming up for air now.  Forget it. I'm not Showtime on Demand.

I'm not going to just "show up" and entertain you when and at a time convenient for you.

This seems to be a prevalent trend today with these uber busy uber important Type A guys. To add insult to injury, another guy who wanted to go out with me did the exact same thing.  He would text (not call) me and ask me to lunch on dinner on THAT day.  Hello? I have a job, a business, a life.

I can rarely commit to anything upon 3 hours notice.  And then, when I let them know I couldn't swing it on this short of notice, they seemed irritated and annoyed with me. AS IF.

Here's the thing... you're not busier than I am. Trust me.  Women have busy lives juggling many things today, and we need a little notice.  I'm just not one to show up on a moment's notice.  While I love Showtime on Demand, I'm just not Showtime on Demand.

Make a Plan.  In Advance.

Are the college girls on to something?

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?pagewanted=all

We found this recent New York Times' article about the "hook up" culture on college campuses today very interesting -- particularly how girls can play at the game too.  Kate, a young woman interviewed for this piece, referred to hooking up at "low risk and low investment".  These girls contend that they don't have time for relationships ... they are too busy building their resumes and focusing on their careers to be weighed down by a meaningful relationship. As such, they choose to just hook up when convenient. Or is it that they have just come to expect too little from men? Are they perhaps gravely disappointed with the behavior of men and their inability to give them what they need emotionally and as such, they are settling for the occasional sexual encounter?  Should these girls be looking for their Mrs. degree given the pool of available men at college or should they just have fun and focus on themselves? 

A lot of these issues transcend boundaries of age;  many middle age women are asking themselves the same questions.  Many now say they are self sufficient, successful and only really need men for sex occasionally.  Others say they really want to find a quality guy to build a life with long term.  

What do you think?

We want your thoughts on this topic.  Let's discuss.  

Send us your thoughts below.  

Make a Plan!

Greetings Ragers, here is my new thing: MAKE A PLAN!

Is chivalry really dead?  I mean, really dead?

Seriously, has technology just completely consumed us so there is no more talking on the phone or, better yet, in person?

I'm not just writing this on behalf of me (Christine)  but all other women who in middle age really have the same stories with dating:

In sum, stop the fucking texting! We are not 13 with the luxury of time and emotional detachment to send out 20 SMS texts per day.  We are busy. We are working. We are in out 40s now and busy managing a shitload of work and annoying Gen Ys and millenials.

If you want to date me, if you want to see me, stop texting me - make a plan!
We are all so sick of your texts "how is your weekend going? or" we should get together soon!"

And then no response back to the same.
And no plan.

Then why the hell are you texting me! Grow up, guys. Man up.  Make a plan. Learn respect for women, which  btw, you should have learned that by now.

I  can say, collectively on behalf of women now (minus by friends who haven't dated since the Reagan administration) we are so done with your 13-year old text messages, that if you really are interested, MAKE A PLAN.

How hard it that? I mean, really.

The Long and Short of It

Story contributed by Middle Rager Colleen Phillips Finley

Ok ladies, time to tackle the subject of our hair in middle age. As a hairdresser and a middle rager myself, I see the ever changing locks of my 40 something clients, friends and myself.

As we get older - just like our skin, butts and boobs - our hair changes as well. Unfortunately not for the better! It loses shine, thickness and overall luster. That being said it is time to re-evaluate how long is too long for us middle ragers!

I see too many women 40 plus hanging on too tightly to their youth with long locks. I believe personally and professionally above the bra strap is a good rule of thumb depending first and foremost how healthy and attractive your hair is! We have all seen those women from behind they have pretty, long hair and to only catch a glimpse of the face and realize she is TOO OLD for that hair! Ladies, it ages you!

This is the time as well, to start investing money into your hair and the products you use on those precious follicles. This is when that investment pays off! We seem to be willing to spend the money on our anti-aging skincare - why not also your hair? We live in an age of wonderful products and tools. There is no reason to suffer from bad hair days. I love the Pureology and Aveda lines.  Argan oil products and keratin treatments are all the rage and worth the money as well.

Our hair is our crowning glory, ladies, but as we age so does our hair so I believe our skirts should get longer and our hair should get shorter!

The Perfect Panties

Hello Ragers,

I suspect you are all sick of the crappy panties out there in today's marketplace.

Well, writing this one was easy because I spent a year searching for these and have found the perfect panties.  Last week, I did a status check with my Nordstrom's lingerie friend Lynn to make sure I was still on it and hadn't missed any updates.  I haven't.  Here they are....

The best panties.....

Hanky Panky's.  $24.  Yes, they are expensive, but I found a lot of mine at Nordstrom Rack for $12.  They have some lace on the top, but they aren't one big uncomfortable.  In fact, the best thing about them is that you don't feel like you are wearing underwear at all.  I wear the thongs, but they also make the boy short look. They don't shift or creep, and they are perfect with your skinny jeans.

Second best?  Commandos $24.  I love these too. These also are great because they are so soft and more of a micro-fiber material so they are perfect with a jersey dress where you don't want a line.  In fact, these are the only underwear I have ever bought that show no line at all with a snug dress.  Commando's also make (by the way) the best leggings ever.  Check them out too.

P.S. I am still looking for an economical version of the Hanky Panky's.  Give me a little time.

Christine

Whenever/Whatever

Hello Ragers,

It is regrettable.  But we are currently suffering (yet again) from another middle RAGE.

Heather and I discussed these phrases: "Whatever" or "Whenever" recently in the context of a guy I recently started dating, and we decided the use of these teenage phrases, with the connotation of complete indifference and apathy, are probably the worst thing you could say to anyone. It's like saying, "you don't even merit a response so I'm going to leave you with some vague answer like "whatever".

I hate it. And I'm going to start using it regularly with my enemies.

So, here's thing thing, and hence the rage... this I guy I recently started dating, texted me after our last date (myriad times mind you) to tell me how much fun he had and how he wanted to get together again very soon, etc. etc. and blah blah. You know the drill of these texters non talkers.  In any event, when I saw him briefly last week, he said (as we departed),  "well, when will I see you again?  (A pregnant pause). Well, I guess I'll see you "whenever."  I, in shock, said "Okay, see you whenever."

Whenever??? What does that mean exactly? Does that mean never? Does that mean soon? O Whenever I feel like fucking calling you?

We wholeheartedly and unequivocally reject this word.  We also reject the word "whatever."  Had I been on my A game, I should have responded "Well, let's do whatever.... whenever."

It has set me into a middle RAGE.

So here's the thing, if you don't know the answer to something, just say nothing.  Nothing is a much better response than whatever or whenever.  Those are undignified and non creative responses.
We would expect something more.  MUCH more.

Christine and Heather