The Perfect Panties

Hello Ragers,

I suspect you are all sick of the crappy panties out there in today's marketplace.

Well, writing this one was easy because I spent a year searching for these and have found the perfect panties.  Last week, I did a status check with my Nordstrom's lingerie friend Lynn to make sure I was still on it and hadn't missed any updates.  I haven't.  Here they are....

The best panties.....

Hanky Panky's.  $24.  Yes, they are expensive, but I found a lot of mine at Nordstrom Rack for $12.  They have some lace on the top, but they aren't one big uncomfortable.  In fact, the best thing about them is that you don't feel like you are wearing underwear at all.  I wear the thongs, but they also make the boy short look. They don't shift or creep, and they are perfect with your skinny jeans.

Second best?  Commandos $24.  I love these too. These also are great because they are so soft and more of a micro-fiber material so they are perfect with a jersey dress where you don't want a line.  In fact, these are the only underwear I have ever bought that show no line at all with a snug dress.  Commando's also make (by the way) the best leggings ever.  Check them out too.

P.S. I am still looking for an economical version of the Hanky Panky's.  Give me a little time.

Christine

Whenever/Whatever

Hello Ragers,

It is regrettable.  But we are currently suffering (yet again) from another middle RAGE.

Heather and I discussed these phrases: "Whatever" or "Whenever" recently in the context of a guy I recently started dating, and we decided the use of these teenage phrases, with the connotation of complete indifference and apathy, are probably the worst thing you could say to anyone. It's like saying, "you don't even merit a response so I'm going to leave you with some vague answer like "whatever".

I hate it. And I'm going to start using it regularly with my enemies.

So, here's thing thing, and hence the rage... this I guy I recently started dating, texted me after our last date (myriad times mind you) to tell me how much fun he had and how he wanted to get together again very soon, etc. etc. and blah blah. You know the drill of these texters non talkers.  In any event, when I saw him briefly last week, he said (as we departed),  "well, when will I see you again?  (A pregnant pause). Well, I guess I'll see you "whenever."  I, in shock, said "Okay, see you whenever."

Whenever??? What does that mean exactly? Does that mean never? Does that mean soon? O Whenever I feel like fucking calling you?

We wholeheartedly and unequivocally reject this word.  We also reject the word "whatever."  Had I been on my A game, I should have responded "Well, let's do whatever.... whenever."

It has set me into a middle RAGE.

So here's the thing, if you don't know the answer to something, just say nothing.  Nothing is a much better response than whatever or whenever.  Those are undignified and non creative responses.
We would expect something more.  MUCH more.

Christine and Heather

Great Girl Getaways

If you are like us, you often are looking at great getaways for you and your girlfriends.

Two words girls: GO WEST.

Heather and I are both very very over the crowded, busy, competitive East coast. Who wants to vacation in Boston? Or Cape Cod with all the plaid and tartan and chocolate labs?  As if that would be fun.

We say go West. Why? The weather is great; there are tall beautiful mountains and SPACE; there are both cowboys and Indians, and most importantly, there are hot guys.  Heather (albeit married) even got her groove on in New Mexico playing pool with some 20 something ranchers from Montana. True men.
Cowboy types.

For an affordable and fun getaway, we vote for New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment per their state motto, but as many people who reside there now told us, it's really the Land of Entrapment. I'm telling you I'm moving there once I get this book deal done.

In Taos, there are mountains, hiking, spas and crunchy granola people who really are off the grid there. No blackberries or iPhones buzzing. You can ski or hike to just go sit in mineral pools like we did.  Santa Fe also rocks with excellent silver jewelry hand made by Indians, amazing tamales and margaritas, and tons of excellent shopping.

Plus, again, we met a lot of cowboys.  And they far surpass the short, geeky policy wonks I had to live with for years in DC.  Yuck.

Other hot spots we recommend: Salt Lake City, Utah or Bozeman, Montana or anywhere (of course) in California.

In sum, the WEST is the BEST.

What is up with all this freaking homework?

Many of you ragers out there are mothers. And likely ones who are spent, frazzled, and sleep deprived.  I'm a mere aunt and often feel the way -- primarily because of all this freaking homework these teachers give kids these days.

Several weeks ago, my sister and her husband decided them needed some R&R in Miami and I got the job of watching her two kids for 4 days.  Hell.  I have a whole new respect for stay at home moms. Believe me.

I had to work more efficiently and faster because I knew I had to be at the school at 3 pm sharp to pick up my 6 year old niece, Isabella. Then, you have to entertain these kids because they are always "bored" and then feed them and bathe them --- and listen, my cocktail hour begins circa 5 pm.  I'm not giving that up, kids. And with them around me all the time and talking to me all the time, I need that early evening drink more than ever. In fact, during the babysitting stint, my happy hour started at 4:30.

But you can't get too loaded, oh no, because alas, right around the corner waiting for you is all the freaking homework.  It's absolutely ridiculous. I never had this much homework. And most of it I got done in study hall freeing up my evening hours to play outside or smoke cigarettes with my girlfriends.

By 8 o'clock,  I was whipped, buzzed  and not up for the dreaded spelling words. However, as a former spelling bee champ myself, I have big dreams of my niece taking on the spelling bee kids and going all the way to the national bee in DC.

So I tried (briefly) the old school verbal technique of practicing her words with her. This didn't work. She kept forgetting the letters, and with a buzz on, I started to lose patience. Plus, these kids still write their letters backward.  It was so frustrating and so so boring.

So I tried another tactic.  I tried holding the words right  up to her face and making her stare at them.  I mean I was always a visual learner and could just look at word and memorize it and thought this might work for her as well. We do share the same genes. "Stare at the word share." I would tell her. "See it? Can you remember it?"  "Yes." She stated confidently.  I really thought she got it and would retain this information.  She, like me, probably has a photographic memory, right?

When I picked her up from school later that day, I asked her about the test, and she showed it to me.  She failed. She got every word wrong. Oops. I guess my visual learning pilot project did not work.

Listen, I know I'm a bad and lazy aunt and shouldn't be hitting the bottle so hard, but geez, how am I supposed to do all this freaking homework? I'm fucking tired at night and so are they!  Teachers, leave us poor moms and aunts alone. We're already beaten down from laundry and baths and being short order cooks.  Can't YOU teach them their spelling words at SCHOOL?

Must see Movies

Hi Ragers,

Well, when we're not raging, we're lounging. Even we need sometime to recover from all the raging we continue to do in our 40s.   So in our downtime, we watch movies (mostly independent films of course) and we wanted to give your our list of "must sees."  They are as follows . . . .

1. Adaptation -- One of my all-time favorites! Based on Susan Orlean's book The Orchid Thief. Meryll Streep is amazing.  If you haven't seen this one, rent it. It's all about orchids.

2. Ruby Sparks -- I just watched this one. It's by the same director of Little Miss Sunshine and it's so captivating and fast moving. It made me cry at the end too -- a rarity.

3. The Door in the Floor -- Based on John Irving's wonderful book A Widow for One Year. Such a creative book. Kim Bassinger and Jeff Bridges are amazing.

4. Midnight in Paris -- A great great and recent Woody Allen pic that takes you into the Parisian life of Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Gertrude Stein in the 1920s.  But anything Woody Allen does is brilliant. Also check out Annie Hall and Manhattan.  We also loved Vicky, Cristina Barcelona.

5. Being John Malkovich -- So weird, so creative.  This is an older one, but I loved love it. Catherine Keener is amazing.

6. Best in Show -- If you like dogs, you'll love this one.  Parker Posey, my fav, is hysterical as always.

More best movies to come, but this will get you started!

Best Books

Greetings Ragers,

Today you get to see the more intellectual side of Middle Rage.

Listen. Heather and I are not all about drinking wine and putting on makeup. We do read too. In fact, we read often and like to share books through our iPads.  For some leisurely summer reading, here are some of our top picks:


1. QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.
This book will really make you think about who you are and what you should be doing with your life.  Take the introvert quiz. You may be surprised that you prefer being alone to being with others all the time.

2. The Glass Castle
This is a memoir I read years ago, and Heather is reading now.  This book is amazing, and Jeannette Walls has such a unique and gritty voice.  Her dysfunctional family and extraordinary upbringing will captivate you. I couldn't put it down.

3. Gone Girl.
We loved it. We were obsessed with it as our most girls now.  So creative and suspenseful. A must read.

4. Leviathan.
I read this book years ago but couldn't put it down. Paul Auster is definitely one of my all time favorite authors.

5. The Quiet American. Graham Greene wrote this beautiful love story that focuses on fate and choices made. Beautiful prose and story.

6.  Smoke Drink F*K by Christine Dodd

Coming soon (hopefully) to a book store near you soon. Waiting to hear back from agent.

Happy reading.

Christine and Heather

THEE Best Mascara

Hello Ragers,

If you are like me, you never leave the house without a few staples:  the running shoes, the bottled water, the quarters for parking, AND the  mascara.  I often wear no make up on the weekends when I'm at the gym or running errands but I'll always have on mascara (and lip gloss).
Mascara = fundamental.

AND I'm always on the quest for the perfect mascara.  In the past, I was an Yve's St. Laurent girl tried and true. But then, I noticed it became too heavy, and it started to clump. I started to reject it especially at 35 smacks/tube. I always wanted a mascara that was jet black, natural but elongating and simple.

Alas, here cometh Trish McEvoy's Lash Curling Mascara. It's actually made of polymers which just so happens to be the main commodity of my home town of Akron, Ohio.  It's water resistant, doesn't smudge and really elongates and curls your lashes without clumping. I heart it. I bought it this weekend!

It's about 31 bones. Not cheap but then we're older now, I told you, we have to put more effort and money into our appearance as we age. We're middle RAGERs.

Lengthen those lashes, ladies.

Christine

Thermogenics: Setting me into a RAGE

Ragers,

You may have heard from Dr. Oz or other sources about these new (alleged) fat burning/metabolism boosting supplements known as "thermogenics."   Currently, these pills are all the rage. (no pun)  And I am a girl always on the hunt for the magic pill, so I told Heather I'd be the guinea pig. I'd shell out the cash (they are expensive) and put in the hard time to launch a thermogenics pilot project.

My analysis? Don't waste your time and money on "green coffee bean extract" or any derivation of these pills. They don't work! And they really mess with your head, to boot.

First, I tired LipoBlast which the guy at GNC guaranteed would shed fat especially if I supplemented the supplement with CLA. CLA was also on Dr. Oz's list so I tried it too (for 3 months!).  The LipoBlast, like many thermogenics, is laden with beaucoup caffeine so all I got from that was massive afternoon headaches and sleepless nights.  The purported miracle belly buster CLA didn't work one bit. Such a rip.

THEN! I got sucked into the all natural (sans caffeine) Evo Lean. The GNC guy told me women love this one, and it only has natural products like the Oz endorsed green coffee bean extract and raspberry keytones.  So, I decided to take these for a month.  I didn't lose one pound.

Finally,  (you think I would have given up by now), I got roped into the now very popular "ACE" which (allegedly) suppressed your appetite and gives you energy.  Now, I will say this about ACE, you don't eat. It really does shut down the appetite but despite eating less, I only lost two pounds. And I started to feel very low energy and depressed. Why? Because these things don't work! They are expensive and a rip off and set me into a middle RAGE. (Note from Heather - Um, don't forget the FDA warning against the key ingredient in ACE.  These things are forbidden in some professional sports - fall under "performance enhancing drugs" category)

Last miracle pill pilot project is underway.  Human Growth Hormone. I'll report back on the same in 60 days.

I would have liked to have been able to render a glowing report on these pills. But they don't work! Don't waste your money.  Just shut your pie hole and starting moving.  That's how it is done.

Summer Detox

So, I know Christine was just raving about her protein shakes last week, but I have to share this while I have the superfood high.

I'm always up for a quick detox for both long term health and short term need.  We are headed off to the beach next week, so I'm looking to feel as best as possible considering the workout regimen hasn't exactly been at the top of my to-do list.  My juicing/detoxing buddy recommended this to me after it resembled a similar program she and I PAY to have made.

So what is it??  The 3 Day Detox by Dr Oz.   Dr. Oz fan or not, this is the real deal. All whole foods, no product placement.

Here's the skinny:   3-4 smoothies/day for 3 days.  Sounds tough, but you got this.

• First, it's loaded with a TON of produce - I mean it - and all the good stuff.  All the buzzworthy superfoods of the day are represented - kale, blueberries, coconut water, almond butter, avocado, spinach, coconut oil, etc.  
• Second, the combinations are fantastic.  You get a ton of greens, but combined in a way you would never guess they're in there (if ignore the not-on-the-color-chart color a few turn out to be).   I had more produce in three days than I could typically take in in two weeks.  Kiss all those toxins goodbye!
• Third, no fancy juicer/supercharged blender required.  My regular ol' Oster blender handled it just fine. 
• AND, I did lose 4 lbs in 3 days.  Seriously!  A nice way to start a vacay!

I'm hooked.  This is my new go-to once a month detox and I'm definitely having at least one of these bad boys a day just to get the superboost of greens and antioxidants.  

Try it, Ragers!  Have your own combos you love?  Pass it along and we'll share!