Many of you ragers out there are mothers. And likely ones who are spent, frazzled, and sleep deprived. I'm a mere aunt and often feel the way -- primarily because of all this freaking homework these teachers give kids these days.
Several weeks ago, my sister and her husband decided them needed some R&R in Miami and I got the job of watching her two kids for 4 days. Hell. I have a whole new respect for stay at home moms. Believe me.
I had to work more efficiently and faster because I knew I had to be at the school at 3 pm sharp to pick up my 6 year old niece, Isabella. Then, you have to entertain these kids because they are always "bored" and then feed them and bathe them --- and listen, my cocktail hour begins circa 5 pm. I'm not giving that up, kids. And with them around me all the time and talking to me all the time, I need that early evening drink more than ever. In fact, during the babysitting stint, my happy hour started at 4:30.
But you can't get too loaded, oh no, because alas, right around the corner waiting for you is all the freaking homework. It's absolutely ridiculous. I never had this much homework. And most of it I got done in study hall freeing up my evening hours to play outside or smoke cigarettes with my girlfriends.
By 8 o'clock, I was whipped, buzzed and not up for the dreaded spelling words. However, as a former spelling bee champ myself, I have big dreams of my niece taking on the spelling bee kids and going all the way to the national bee in DC.
So I tried (briefly) the old school verbal technique of practicing her words with her. This didn't work. She kept forgetting the letters, and with a buzz on, I started to lose patience. Plus, these kids still write their letters backward. It was so frustrating and so so boring.
So I tried another tactic. I tried holding the words right up to her face and making her stare at them. I mean I was always a visual learner and could just look at word and memorize it and thought this might work for her as well. We do share the same genes. "Stare at the word share." I would tell her. "See it? Can you remember it?" "Yes." She stated confidently. I really thought she got it and would retain this information. She, like me, probably has a photographic memory, right?
When I picked her up from school later that day, I asked her about the test, and she showed it to me. She failed. She got every word wrong. Oops. I guess my visual learning pilot project did not work.
Listen, I know I'm a bad and lazy aunt and shouldn't be hitting the bottle so hard, but geez, how am I supposed to do all this freaking homework? I'm fucking tired at night and so are they! Teachers, leave us poor moms and aunts alone. We're already beaten down from laundry and baths and being short order cooks. Can't YOU teach them their spelling words at SCHOOL?
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Hilarious!! And oh so true--we did smoke and play after all our hard work was done!! And, oh yes, we need summer when it finally arrives. We are tired and ready for a break, much like those hard working teachers. Thank goodness we have Middle Rage to help us find the right eye cream for our weary eyes and the right summer cocktail recipe for our frazzled nerves! Thanks CC! :)
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