Where the f is the bread?

Hi Ragers,

I know. We've been gone for a long time.

I don't know what to say about that.  The publishing industry and agents and their drama has totally burnt me out of writing and resulted in a very strong block. And Heather, well, you know her, she's been vacationing A LOT.

However, recently, while in DC lunching with my girlfriends, I noticed a new phenomenon occurring in U.S. restaurants which set me into a rage.

While at lunch at an overpriced quasi-trendy place in DC known as Founding Farmers, my girlfriend, Ilyse, who by the way ordered a "meal" not an appetizer, asked for some bread.  She was starving, and of course, in America and most other civilized countries, bread usually precedes a meal.  In response to this fairly benign request, the server flatly stated "we don't provide bread anymore."  My friend was shocked and dismayed, and then she started to get rage-y.  She kept pushing him for an explanation, and he just said they stopped providing bread about two years ago because they have soooo many customers now.  He did, however, offer to provide her bread IF she paid $6 for bread as an appetizer on the menu.  WTF?  We are paying over $30 for lunch, and now we have to pay for bread.  Needless to say, this set us into a rage.

I initially thought this was just a problem in DC because DC is weird and conservative and overpriced and laden with expense accounts.  I noted at my favorite Italian restaurant that they also do not give you bread --- however, they did provide it upon request.  We wondered if this was a problem that crossed state lines implicating the Commerce Clause.  Ilyse contended it was a conspiracy in DC and possibly an antitrust violation.  I will say though that later that night, upon ordering a mere bowl of soup in Virginia, bread was served.  I do still think it is safe to go to Virginia if you want free bread.

Although I did think this was a problem only in snobby DC, it isn't. Ohio is no different.  I have been to at least two restaurants as of late whereby meals were ordered, and bread was not provided.  Recently, I took my two nieces to an expensive Italian restaurant for dinner, and they flat out refused to provide bread to my 8-year old niece who was starving.  As such, I was forced to buy a $12 cheese plate to tied them over until their dinner came. Such a racket.  I really think these restaurants are refusing bread, a cheap and customary staple, just to get us to buy appetizers and MORE food.

Given I am always on a diet of some sort or variation, it's not like I eat the bread anyway.  But my thinner friends do, and they always order meals. And my nieces do, and they are always starving as soon as we sit down at the table at a restaurant.

I would like to holler out to all restaurant owners -- lighten up -- let George breathe a little, and give us some fucking bread.  For free.

Christine